Emperors, Smugglers and Farmboys

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I do not understand why you let your dog in the bathroom when you are showering/bathing. Dogs have fur. And perhaps you haven’t noticed, but we the humans do not come with fur. There is a reason for this. The fur sticks to the wet. And when you allow your dog in the bathroom to lounge on the rug, I cannot step onto the rug without acquiring a new coat.

See…I am not averse to pets in the house. I wanted a cat, but you won’t let me get a cat. The dog, though. Oh, the dog is fine. This dog that is too big for the house. I cannot eat, I cannot watch a movie, I cannot sit at my computer, I cannot escape to the bathroom. Always, the dog is there. And the dog has fur. And the fur is there. I am tired of the dog, and I am tired of the fur.

Sincerely,

Canine Weary and Furred Out

hotslut69:

did everyone just quietly forgive pharrell for being in blurred lines

That song does not make me happy.

basedgosh:

*apologizes* *apologizes for apologizing* *apologizes for apologizing for apologizing* *apologizes for apologizing for apologizing for apologizing* *apologizes after you say its ok* *repeats cycle*

peregrintoolc:

I’m thankful for all the different ways I can eat potatoes

(Source: buckyraccoon)

i-only-date-super-villains:

c0nundrummer:

gabrielsaunteredvaguelydownwards:

titangroupie:

walkingsaladshooterfromheaven:

zeeevah:

oodmoodfood:

personifiedrandomness:

fabled-foreigntongues:

wtfuckyou:

It’s funny because Americans wont get it

this is killing me. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

i was tempted to write what it means, but then i thought
no, let them suffer

i’m suffering

brilliant

Okay, I’m going to take a gander at this.
(I have no idea why I was compelled to use that expression.)
Is “auto class” the same thing as driver’s education?

Hmm. Is part of it a “the screen is fried” pun? 

oh my fucking god
this is adorable

I’m American
and I get this 

I love this so much but I love the comments more


They have a chip on their windshield. C’mon, my fellow countrymen. Why must we sound so ignorant?

i-only-date-super-villains:

c0nundrummer:

gabrielsaunteredvaguelydownwards:

titangroupie:

walkingsaladshooterfromheaven:

zeeevah:

oodmoodfood:

personifiedrandomness:

fabled-foreigntongues:

wtfuckyou:

It’s funny because Americans wont get it

this is killing me. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

i was tempted to write what it means, but then i thought

no, let them suffer

i’m suffering

brilliant

Okay, I’m going to take a gander at this.

(I have no idea why I was compelled to use that expression.)

Is “auto class” the same thing as driver’s education?

Hmm. Is part of it a “the screen is fried” pun? 

oh my fucking god

this is adorable

I’m American

and I get this 

I love this so much but I love the comments more

They have a chip on their windshield. C’mon, my fellow countrymen. Why must we sound so ignorant?

(Source: yugoslavic)

Do you ever remember dreams that seemed so normal while you were dreaming, but now you’re embarrassed when remembering them?

elichez:

If you didn’t think Indiana Jones was hot, you’re on something..

I asked for 1972 Harrison Ford for my birthday. And I fully expect to get him.

(Source: theoceandownthelane)

metafuneral:

cosmic—love:

take a few moments to think about the fact that every person on this planet looks up and sees the same moon and how freaking wonderful that is

this is wrong each person on earth has a differentmoon that follows them and at the end of your life it comes down to earth and squashes you and kills you

Chewie! :(

nosdrinker:

virusexe:

Nicely done, m’lady

he’s in

Every man’s dream woman. Excuse me while I gag. All it gets you is the friend zone x100. “Are we playing this weekend? Awesome, let’s invite [female gamer]!” But when they want a girlfriend? Nah, you’re not sexy enough, not attractive enough, and your chest isn’t big enough. Apparently. Because I am the gamer. And all I’ve ever been is the friend.

nosdrinker:

virusexe:

Nicely done, m’lady

he’s in

Every man’s dream woman. Excuse me while I gag. All it gets you is the friend zone x100. “Are we playing this weekend? Awesome, let’s invite [female gamer]!” But when they want a girlfriend? Nah, you’re not sexy enough, not attractive enough, and your chest isn’t big enough. Apparently. Because I am the gamer. And all I’ve ever been is the friend.

nextyearsgirl:

The absence of women in history is man made.

Babe Ruth, my dear. *ashamed*

nextyearsgirl:

The absence of women in history is man made.

Babe Ruth, my dear. *ashamed*